Politicians should take a few lessons from country's moms

I forced myself to tune in on both the Democratic and Republican conventions this year.

I recall when conventions were exciting because it was there that you learned who would be running for the highest office of the land. The work was done at the convention and by just watching it; you felt a part of the procedures. Today, we are offered a much different diet - a diet of political pablum. A person, who has previously been picked to run for their party, delivers a speech written by someone else, practiced in front of a group of advisors, and delivered with the help of a teleprompter. I am sorry it is not as it was in the olden days.

I had to force myself to watch because I knew much of the time would be spent in ridicule and sarcasm toward anyone who dared think differently, or even dared think.

In my beloved South, we have a rule that stands us in good stead. You can criticize a person; call them any name you like, as long as you end with, "Well bless their heart." At a political convention, you can do the same as long as you end with, "We are all Americans." 

Now I don't want you getting mad at me when you read these ramblings of an old man. After all, they are my ramblings and I guess I have a right to them. Now on to what I was saying.

I forced myself to watch the elaborate productions that are minutely planned, practiced, and presented to stir up those watching to a fever pitch of dislike and distrust of anyone who doesn't drink out of their well. As I watched, I thought that it must have been something like what went on in the coliseum of ancient Rome. I did see some of those people giving the thumbs-up and thumbs-down signs, and by the rabid look on their faces, they would have joyfully loosed the lions.

Folks, as all these donkeys and elephants went after each other, it reminded me of a bunch of little kids yelling, "I can spit further than than you can," or "My brother can whip your brother," or "My mama is better than your mama."

In fact, I do not remember when so much time was spent trying to impress people with what perfect mamas they had in their flock. I kept watching for halos to pop out around the head of the mother's being presented as universal role models.

It made me wonder where in the world they got the idea that a mom could be perfect with their children, their husband, the adversities of life, and on ad infinitum. This perfection thing didn't make sense because to be a mom you have to have a child and that is when all possibility of perfection ends - the child will see to it.

I am sure that if you asked the average mom to present a picture of what it meant to be a mother it would be a far cry from what I saw and heard at both conventions. The moms I know, and deeply respect, would give you a look at real moms and no one could possibly write their speech for them - except another mom. Without hesitation, they would tell you four things that are imperfect (from a man's view) about this person, we call Mom.

1. She has a defective tired button. When most human beings have collapsed and given up, Mom, like the famous battery bunny, "keeps on going". She wipes, picks, pokes, swings, feeds, sings, yells, cries, calls, shakes, reads, begs, chases, and bathes all day and into the night. She is doctor, minister, chef, nurse, policewoman, judge, maid, recreational director, teacher, and garbage collector on an hourly basis. By nightfall, her eyes have dark circles and her shoulders are stooped but does this stop her? No!

2. She is missing the small portion of the brain designed to allow a person to enjoy peace and quiet. After the kids have reached the peak of noise and confusion, they will settle in for at least a few moments of quiet to rest and make plans for the next attack. Any normal person would collapse on the couch and enjoy. Not a real mom. She can take all this stillness for about 30 seconds before saying, "they are so quiet, I wonder what's wrong?" Before you can stop her, she yells at the top of her lungs "are you kids O.K?" It has the same effect as lightning striking a pine tree. Mom is back in action until the kids pass out from pure joy and exhaustion.

3. Part of every Mom's eyesight is deficient. After the small ones have done everything they can to insure tranquilizers will be around forever, they go to sleep with cute little smiles on their faces. Mom and dad look down at them through different eyes. Mom smiles through tired eyes and parched lips and remarks how cute and angelic they look. Dad can see much better and detects the sadism in each little face and knows with horror that they are just storing up energy for a bigger and better tomorrow.

4. Mom has an over-sized and over-active "coper." She can cope when most mere mortals would be reduced to blithering piles of emotional Jello. I have a deep appreciation for the one that is called Mom. In fact, she is called mom at least 5000 time a day.

When the kids are not calling her, they are off some place practicing new ways of saying "mom." Yet, with all this noise and confusion, Mom smiles and seems to function well with no need for the camera and bright lights. It has to be the coper thing.