Great athletes leading SHS Bulldogs

Bonner County Dispatch 11/14: Weapon Offense. BCSO Unit 124; Fish and Game Unit 112 and Sandpoint Police Unit 32 all responded to numerous citizen complaints, along the Pend Oreille River near Dover, regarding duck hunters shooting at ducks during hunting season. “Not a crime,” the report states.

Elmer Fudd could not be reached for comment.

Go Bulldogs!!!

The Sandpoint Bulldog football team is ready to tee it up for the state championship tonight at the Kibbee Dome.

It looks like the pep bus in nearly full and there will be a stream of vehicles headed south this afternoon.

What a great bunch of athletes in the senior class. From volleyball to soccer and now football, the class of 2010 could very well be known as the best fall sports class in school history.

Just to put it into perspective, these seniors were in kindergarten the last time Sandpoint played in a state football championship.

Win, lose or draw today, this football team has proven that a clamp-down defense and a powerful offense makes for a great, fun-to-watch team.

Did you know that two SHS football players will be competing in their second state championship game this season?

 Soccer phenoms Adam Crossingham and Daniel Anderson would love to add another state championship to the one they already won in soccer. They share kicking duties and like the fact that rain, snow or wind won’t be a factor inside the Kibbie Dome.

Headlines:

• Hunting for 10-year-olds begins in Wisconsin Tuesday — West Bend Daily News.

• Decomposing body found in cemetery — Atlantic City Press.

Want to save up to 75 percent off eating in some of Sandpoint’s best restaurants? Check Page 1 of today’s Bee. NorthIDDEALS.com is the place to check for discounts on restaurants to oil changes.

Had a great time at “Are You Fitter Than a Fifth Grader” night at Washington Elementary Wednesday night. There is nothing more funny than watching adults try to hula hoop.

I am fitter than a fifth grader, just so you know. Just don’t ask me to hula hoop.

Sandpoint restaurants kicked in their specialty soups and some money was raised for the school and a good time was had by all.

E-mail of the week: Go to bonnercountydailybee.com and find my column on the bottom of the homepage.

If you call up my column, you will find what happened when the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter and supply a new definition.

This was a lot of fun, but some of the answers weren’t appropriate for our newspaper but were somehow OK to run in the Washington Post.

One example:

• 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2.  Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

3.  Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4.  Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5.  Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7.  Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

9.  Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10.  Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11.  Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:>

1.  Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2.  Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3.  Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.  Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5.  Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6.  Negligent, adj. Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.  Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8.  Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9.  Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who ha s been run over by   a steamroller.

 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

David Keyes is publisher of the Daily Bee.