Face-to-face friends better than Facebook

My mom is better known for talking about her horse than making profound statements. However, last year she told me that one of the most important things to her in her life then (she was 75) was to have my 5-year-old daughter. Adeline, remember her name when she is gone.

I was struck by how sincere, genuine and vulnerable she was at this moment. She told me so much about herself and her values with this simple statement. She also reminded me of what I sometimes need to be reminded of, life is about real, loving relationships. It’s not about expensive cars and houses that fill you up superficially and never quite satisfy you the way a loving relationship does.

Six months ago, I finally acquiesced to one of my best friend’s consistent attempts to get me “connected” on Facebook. We have been friends since fifth grade and are both now 44. I resisted Facebook for so long because of the number of students 1 have tried to help with their addiction to Facebook and hours they have spent each day typing “friends” they don’t really know, about extremely superficial stuff.

I got connected and as instantly drawn to the photos of former schoolmates from high school. It is fascinating to see what these people look like now and what they are doing with their lives. I felt like I was taking some kind of drug when I got on Facebook, or when I was just about to get on and see whose lives I might be a voyeur to. But it is also about gossip and based on shallowness, in my opinion.

The more people I responded to, the more “friend requests” I got. It seemed as if I received four or five “friend” requests for each person I wrote to because of all the mutual people we knew. I immediately saw a problem in that these “friends” of mine from high school were never friends and at best were acquaintances.

Many of the names of the people “friending” me I could not even remember or had a vague memory of. I started to feel badly that I wasn’t going to respond to all of these former acquaintances. But the other option was for me to spend a lot of time each day writing to people I never really knew when I could be spending time with my two girls and my wife, all who mean the world to me.

I decided to write one of my former acquaintances and tell her that life is too short to begin superficial relationships with people I probably will not ever see again in my life unless it is at a high school reunion. I tried not to sound rude but I really am not looking for more relationships in my life. I don’t even necessarily want more real friends in my life and certainly do not want Facebook friends. Within days, my Facehook “friends” dwindled to almost nothing and I feel good about that.

I ‘know there is a time and a place for Facebook. My boss uses it to keep in touch with his three daughters, who are quite successful and scattered across the globe, sending him photos and messages. That makes complete sense. But for the 18-year-old who checks his account 200 times each day? Sounds like desperation and loneliness to me.

Thanks, Mom, for instilling in me the value and satisfaction of face to face communication and real relationships. I look forward to stopping by for coffee and laughing next to the fireplace with you and dad many more times in the ears to come, as we did this morning and have done on so many other mornings.

JUSTIN HENNEY

Sandpoint