Families need to unplug and tune in

My friend Paul called the other day and told me how difficult it was for him and his wife to say “no” to their 12-year-old boy when he asked for a cell phone. Most of his friends have one and he did not think it was fair that he did not have one as well. Personally, I can imagine very few situations in which a 12-year-old “needs” a cell phone. When those few occasions do arise then simply give your 12- or 13-year-old your phone with explicit guidelines on its usage and make sure they know this is a very short-term loan.

I told Paul about the time when my wife, Angela and I went to visit a friend, his wife, son and daughter. Their kids were eight and ten at the time and each had computers in their rooms. In the morning when Angela and I got up, we went to the kitchen to eat breakfast with my friend and his family. We quickly realized that my breakfast expectation was far different than the reality of weekend breakfasts at their home. His kids had already gotten up, grabbed some cereal and headed back to their rooms to watch their own televisions or play games on their own computers. This made a huge impression on me because I only know how my parents are when friends stay the night; a lot of talking, laughing, pancakes or French toast and a strong sense of family. I could not help wondering there, in the kitchen, talking to my friend and his wife, while his kids were in their rooms on their computers, if the kids may have liked each other more or gotten along better if they had less privilege in their lives or at least less technology and more time with their mom and dad and each other.

I ended my conversation with my friend Paul by telling him how I had spent the past two hours of my life as a contrast to what we had been talking about. I had asked my four year old daughter, Adeline, if she would like to go outside with me and unload wood rounds from the back of our truck. It was about 25 degrees on this October day and I did not think she would be interested. But she does love going outside and being active and was ecstatic about the prospect of a new activity. She rolled rounds down to me from the top of the pile onto the tailgate. It is true that this is not as safe as doing it on “Wii” (a computer game) but the experience she had was priceless and one I could not have foreseen and will not soon forget. She felt powerful rolling each round down to me and screamed with delight as they tumbled down to me from her perch. After we finished, we jumped on our trampoline, bouncing and wrestling. Then we got down on the lawn and played with our four dogs, who were completely amped up due to the drop in temperature. Our bull mastiff transformed herself from a lethargic dogopotumus into an agile whirling dervish, causing Adeline and me to laugh hard; especially when my daughter climbed on her back and rode her across the yard. Friends have often asked us how we get our dogs to be so consistently affectionate and all we can say is that we hug them, talk to them and play with them a lot. We don’t play virtual games about interacting with dogs on computers. Had I not asked my daughter if she wanted to help me on this day, we both would have missed all these opportunities to have fun and laugh.

When we decided to have a child we also decided we would fully participate in our child’s life by living and playing with our child. I see so many adults standing on the sidelines talking to each other while their kids are plugging into iPods, walking across streets texting people who don’t need to be texted, and playing with their play stations. If you have kids, play with them. It’s really fun, you’ll get to know your kids better and most of us could use the exercise.

JUSTIN HENNEY

Sandpoint