Seniors, families have right to ask questions

Dear Geezer,   

My aging uncle is from eastern Bonner County and recently had heart surgery in Spokane.

His surgeon insisted that my uncle go to a Spokane nursing home for rehabilitation. That meant his family had to travel a lot to visit with him.

Couldn’t he have gone to one of the nursing homes in Sandpoint where his family and friends could be nearer to him?   

Carol 

Dear Carol,

Your story suggests two things to me. One, your uncle’s surgeon may have wanted him nearby for medical reasons. I don’t know the circumstances, so it is possible the surgeon’s insistence had your uncle’s medical safety as first priority.

But if your uncle’s recovery was not dependent on staying in Spokane, then he did have the right to ask to be transferred to a facility in Sandpoint. That possible scenario raises my second point.

Many people in your uncle’s generation are still reluctant to ask any kind of questions of doctors, nurses, therapists, even nurse’s aides. Actually, to ask questions of anyone with some kind of designated or perceived authority seems almost “rude.” To which I say:  Phooey!

I see this learned reluctance in many elders (including my own parents). When it comes to health care concerns, I believe persons have a definite right to ask their doctors or others whatever questions are on their minds.

Those questions should tell a doctor that the patient still intends to be in control of his or her life. I believe most doctors will take time to answer their patients’ questions.

What if a doctor doesn’t respond caringly and directly to their patient’s concern? Maybe it’s time for the patient to find a doctor who will treat him or her as a thinking and concerned person.

Here is one suggestion for readers who might be facing surgery in Spokane or Coeur d’Alene, but who want to do any needed rehabilitation at home. Make that request clear to your primary physician and the surgeon in your pre-surgery consultation. Don’t assume anything. Let your doctors know what you want.

I have a friend who did that, and even made a pre-surgery visit to the nursing home he wanted to go to  after surgery. He let the doctor do what the doctor did best. But my friend took charge of his own life. As he should.   

I hope you will discover your own medical options by asking questions. Then make your decisions based on the answers to those questions.

n Paul R. Graves, M.Div., is founder of Elder Advocates, Inc., a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact him at elderadvocates@nctv.com or 208-610-4971.