Aging happens to all of us

Dear Geezer,   

I am 15 years old, and I have a question for you. My grandfather had me read your article on becoming an “elder advocate” because he knows I like older people. But what he may not know is that I’m uncomfortable going into nursing homes or senior citizen places. I like being with him, but being around other elderly people is kinda weird for me. What do you suggest?

Aimee

Dear Aimee,

Thank you for having the courage to write me. Yours is the first letter from a teenager that I have received. Hopefully it won’t be the last. I know that thinking about older people and “really old” people isn’t easy for teens. But I’m so glad it is important enough for you to think more about.

You must love your grandfather very much to follow up his reading suggestion like this.

Your comfort with your grandfather is likely because he has been a part of your growing up. Other older adults are “strangers” to you. I suspect if you got acquainted with some residents of “nursing homes or senior citizen places” at your own pace, you would learn to feel comfortable around them, too.

Every time I go to a nursing home, I have a twinge of discomfort when I see residents I don’t know. Once I get to know even their names, I remember they are real persons first, rather than just “bodies in wheelchairs.” That helps me.

I also suspect, Aimee, that when you see elderly people, you begin to wonder:  “Will I be like that when I get old?” If you do wonder about that, you are like most teens and young adults I’ve spoken with over the years.

Older people are visible reminders of something we try hard to forget:  each of us is getting older and older every day. It’s a fact of life, Aimee. A good fact.

But if all we see are the gray hair, the wrinkles, the hearing aids or a person slumping in a wheelchair, we miss the wonderful gift that lives inside of each older person. That gift goes by many names, but the most common name is love.

Older adults embody love in ways that no other age-group can touch, Aimee. Being around older people can be weird, just as you said. And it will stay weird for you if you only use your eyes to see older people. But when you use your heart, you can “see” the person’s gift of love. Then you can have a great visit!

Paul R. Graves, M.Div., is founder of Elder Advocates, Inc., a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact him at elderadvocates@nctv.com or 610-4971.