Help light the way to best decorations

Please send in the addresses of homes or businesses that are dressed up for the Christmas season.

The Bee is sponsoring a Christmas Driving Tour in print and online and we are putting together a Google map to help people find the decorations.

The Google map will launch today.

Please e-mail me at: dkeyes@bonnercountydailybee.com to add an address to the list.

Don’t be shy, if you have done a great job on your house, let us know.

Last week I asked readers to join in on a Washington Post contest.

The contest challenges readers to supply alternate meanings for common words.

A few of my favorites were:

•  Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

 • Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

 • Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

• Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

   Valle Novak, our semi-retired Master Gardener and chef extraordinaire, submitted a few gems.

• Horrified, v. Scoffed at by a woman of ill repute.

• Elixer, n. What a loving daddy cat does to his kitten.

• Cinnamon, n. A baaad Rasta dude.

• Cinnabar, n. A baaad Rasta hangout.

• Antimony, n. Money your uncle sends his ex.

• Hoarse, n. Equine with the croup.

I had one:

• Endorphins, n. A sudden burst of energy you rescue from an endorphinage.

OK, you wordsmiths and college students home on break, dazzle the Bee readers with your literary prowess.

I also wrote a recent column about the many uses of the word up.

This prompted an e-mail titled: So you think English is an easy language? I recommend going over these sentences with a loved one. It’s better than TV.

• The bandage was wound around the wound.

• The farm was used to produce produce.

• The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

• We must polish the Polish furniture.

• He could lead if he would get the lead out.

• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

• Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present

• A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

• When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

• I did not object to the object.

• The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

• There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row…

• They were too close to the door to close it.

• The buck does funny things when the does are present.

• A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

• To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

• The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

• Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

• I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

It is still not too late to shop locally for Christmas.

Larson’s, Zandoozles and Maps & More were all singled out as great local places to shop by Bonner County Daily Bee readers.

n David Keyes is publisher of the Bonner County Daily Bee.