Visits to children form perfect retirement plan

Folks, these are hard times. Home values have diminished, retirement accounts have lost value, and saving accounts have shrunk to an alarming low.

Many people are joining Tennessee Ernie Ford in singing, “You load sixteen tons, what do you get, another day older and deeper in debt….” Retirement seems only a distant dream instead of a reality.

In the words of old Franz Joseph Haydn, “Cheer up, children …,” I have a solution for a perfect retirement. I don’t know why I have not thought about it before and wasted 23 years that could have been spectacular as for as retirements go. I guess those years were needed for thinking, planning, and developing the perfect retirement plan. If you are not satisfied with your plans of kicking back, you may want to consider giving mine a try.

Here are my plans. I would like to sell my house and all it contains and buy a motor home. I don’t mean one of those small things; I mean huge. I want one so long that it has to have hinges to turn a corner. I want it to have every conceivable luxury known to man. When I drive down any highway I want people to say, “That man with the big grin on his face is the man who developed the perfect retirement plan.”

I am sure you have a few questions about the plan. The biggest question, I am sure, is how can I afford all this? That is the easiest part of the whole thing. All you need to get it off and running are children who live away from home. Now you can have one that lives in your hometown but the rest must be scattered. For example, I have four kids; David lives in Sand-point, Bob in Southern Californ-ia, Karen in Post Falls, and Dawn lives way up in Canada. The logistics would be perfect for the plan if I could get either David or Karen to move back east.

Here is how I plan to finance the whole thing. I get in my deluxe motor home and drive to Dawn’s house in St. Paul, Alberta. They are so glad to see me and all is well. I hook up to their electricity and water and kick back. I go in at mealtime and leave before dishwashing time. I continue to do this and stay until they get “that look” in their eye. Just before the exploding point all I have to say is, “If I had enough money for gas and groceries I would go down and see your brother David.”

Now you know they are going to come up with the money, even if they have to hock the farm, and off I happily drive to my next home away from home. Cost to date, nothing.

You get the picture, don’t you? You do the same thing at the next house until the look appears and then it’s off to number three. Always remember to say you would leave if you had groceries and money for gas and anything else you might want. Here are some ideas: tires, clothes, medications, vehicle repair, or anything else you might need for your comfort. Be creative!

The beauty of the plan is this. You just keep making the rounds from one kid to another. The more children you have the better, because by the time you get around to number one again they feel so guilty about hating you the last time you were there that you are welcomed back with open arms.

Not only is it a perfect plan for retirement it also is a perfect plan for pay back. If you start to weaken and feel you can’t keep it up just sit and think. Remember the time the little darlings Crazy Glued the cat and dog together? Do you remember the dodos your daughter brought home stating each one was Mr. Right? Take a minute to reflect on all the giggly creatures your sons fell madly in love with by age 15. You knew that if they ever married any of them the grandchildren they gave you would have brains the size of chiggers. Stop and think for a minute and you will carry out the plan with renewed delight.