Daybreak Center: Service gives caretakers a place to turn

SANDPOINT - Jerry Thurlow was a strong man - he had to be, working in the woods for a timber industry paycheck.  But by the time he entered his early 50s, Jerry began to disappear.  Early onset Alzheimer’s stole him away, one memory, one character trait, one word at a time.

Ten years later, Jerry was gone.  Over the course of those 10 years, his wife, Phyllis, was his full-time caregiver.  She watched as he paced the halls, listened as he endlessly repeated vowel sounds and random noises that made no sense to her ear.  It was a non-stop vigil to protect a man who once lived only to be outdoors and who, in the end, could no longer be trusted to set foot outside his own home.

    He felt trapped inside and often kicked the walls in frustration.  Just as confined was Phyllis, whose life was turned upside down in the havoc of dementia.

Caregiver’s Lifeline

“I don’t think people realize what the caregivers go through,” Phyllis said.  “To be closed up in the house with an Alzheimer’s patient - I felt like I was going to go crazy.”      When Jerry died 17 years ago, spouses and children who cared for people with dementia were on their own.

“It was sad, because there was no place to go, no place to turn,” Phyllis said.  “But things have changed and thank heavens for that.”    She made that assessment from an overstuffed chair in a comfy living room.  An aquarium burbled quietly on a half wall across from her and sunlight spilled in across a kitchen table in the breakfast nook.  The place felt homey and safe and, four days a week, it provides temporary salvation to caregivers who drop their loved ones off for a few hours of care at the Daybreak Center in Sandpoint.

The center recently moved to a 1,400-square-foot building located immediately adjacent to the Sandpoint Senior Center.  Since opening two years ago, it has shuttled through three different addresses - two in Sandpoint and one in Ponderay.   The thing that sets this new location apart is the fact that it was donated to the Daybreak Center, removing the burden of coming up with monthly rent.

“It’s kind of like a miracle for us,” said Norma White, director of the Sandpoint Senior Center.

Six years ago, White attended an Alzheimer’s conference in Coeur d’Alene where a physician spoke about the impact of the disease on caregivers. 

Since then, she has kept an even closer eye on the statistics and feels more strongly than ever that caregivers need a safety net. 

Or, in many cases, a lifeline.

“Every 73 seconds, someone is diagnosed with a form of dementia,” White said.  “It’s the seventh-leading cause of death in the United States.

“But what most people don’t know is that the average age of the caregiver is 47,” she continued. 

“And the caregiver usually passes away before the dementia patient, just from the stress.”

White wanted to provide some sort of respite for those individuals and found a supporter in local senior advocate John Elsa, who has worked for the past couple of years to centralize senior services and make them more convenient.

 Working with business owners, community organizations and private donors, Elsa helped to spearhead the Daybreak Center’s relocation.

“John had a vision and he made it work,” White said.

Music and Memories

Shirley Domes benefited from the Daybreak Center before her husband, Bob, passed away in May at age 81. 

Strikingly handsome and tirelessly energetic, Bob was a career musician who had sung and played with or arranged music for a host of famous recording artists and big band performers.  

She became her husband’s caregiver when Alzheimer’s began to rob him of the ability to care for himself. 

When she needed to do a few chores, clean the house or run to the bank, Shirley would take Bob to the Daybreak Center.

“It was like a breath of fresh air,” she said.  “It was a break — a lifting of the burden off your shoulders.”

At the center, Bob and the other visitors would be treated to healthy snacks, arts and crafts, trivia games and other activities aimed at mental stimulation and socialization. 

The most powerful tool, according to Daybreak Center activities director and certified nursing assistant Rose Mundell, is the live music provided daily by volunteers at the center.

“Music is a big, big thing for these people, because it stimulates their brains,” she said.

 “Someone who can’t communicate with you will be able to sing an entire song - every word.  And by the end of the day, through our activities, they begin to have conversations with one another.”

It was music that helped Bob Domes overcome the anxiety of entering a new situation with unfamiliar faces on his first visit to the Daybreak Center. 

When Shirley pointed out the upright piano against the living room wall, he was sold.

“He loved it, from the very first time, because they had a piano there,” Shirley said.  “When he saw that, it was like seeing an old friend.”

At home and at the center, music would come through for the talented musician when words no longer did the trick. 

For quite some time, he would sit and play complex jazz progressions and old standards with intricate improvisations, despite a winnowing away of people’s names and the attrition of other memories.

  Near the end of his life, Bob still played piano — if only with his right hand — finding solace and sense at the keyboard.

“Right up to the end, that was the case,” Shirley said.  “That was the last thing to go, was his music.”

Creating Awareness

John Elsa didn’t know Bob Domes by name. 

He knew him as “the nice-looking gentleman who plays piano” at the Daybreak Center. 

But he saw that the center provided something critically important to the musician and the spouse who cared for him.  Now that the center is in its new spot, Elsa plans to push for even greater community awareness of the service it offers to clients and caregivers.

“It’s just nice to think that, if you had a loved one who wasn’t able to care for themselves, they’d have a place to go where someone else could help them while you’re out at a doctor’s appointment, banking — or just to have a break,” Elsa said.  “

Because, when you’re caring for someone with Alzheimer’s, it’s a 24/7 operation and it’s nice to have some people who are qualified to look after them and work with them.” 

Rose Mundell directs activities at the Daybreak Center with the help of nine volunteers. 

Clients arrive to coffee or tea, something to nibble on and quiet conversation to start the morning.  The rest of the day includes bingo, cards and board games, pet therapy, movement and exercise and live music before and after lunch, which now is served directly from the senior center next door.

“It’s easy now,” White said.  “We can bring the meal over on a plate.  It’s much nicer.”

Last week, Mundell watched as finishing touches were added to the new, enclosed courtyard at the Daybreak Center. 

Along with the building, all of the plants, pavers, construction materials and labor were donated to create a safe haven.  According to Elsa, the entire project has been a study in civic pride and cooperation.

“I think the whole board of directors has had the vision of having the Daybreak Center and Sandpoint Senior Center under one roof, but the fact that it has come together this way —- with so many businesses and individuals donating — has been a lot of fun,” he said. 

“Families come by and they love it,” Elsa added.

 “They say it’s beautiful.  It is beautiful - and we own it, free and clear.”

What you

should know

The Daybreak Center is open Tuesday-Thursday from 7:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m.  The center receives no state or federal funding and is fully supported by its client fees of $7.50 per hour, as well as money raised through fundraising activities and other donations.

• The Daybreak Center is located at 820 Main, near the corner of Forest Ave. and Main St. in Sandpoint.  For information call (208) 265-8127