Don't ignore signs that your child may be a bully

His name was Donald. He was never called just “Don” or even “Donny.” He was a big kid, head and shoulders taller than all the kids in the class and although not fat, he was formidable with a thick neck and big hands.

He had an arrogance about him and a mean temper. All the kids in the neighborhood were terrified of him, often for good reason as his voice was as loud as a lion’s roar and his words were viper nasty. In other words, Donald was a bully.

According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, up to half of all children are bullied at some point during their school years. There are lots of good articles online about how to teach your child to respond to the Donalds of the world, but what do you do when your child is the Donald? Not Trump, but the bully?

Typically, boys are more apt to use physical intimidation and girls (who can bully with the best of them) will most often use words. Mean, hateful gossip both in person, at school, online and in texts and twitters can create a victim with severe emotional problems.

“Children and adolescents who bully thrive on controlling or dominating others. They have often been the victims of physical abuse or bullying themselves. Bullies may also be depressed, angry or upset about events at school or at home. Children targeted by bullies also tend to fit a particular profile. Bullies often choose children who are passive, easily intimidated, or have few friends. Victims may also be smaller or younger, and have a harder time defending themselves.” The AACAP published in its March 2011 newsletter.

Children whose parents lack warmth and involvement and lean towards overly permissive parenting may breed a bully. Kids who lack parental supervision or are harshly, physically disciplined at home may think that’s the correct model for their behavior. They may also choose friends who are more likely to bully and who have a positive attitude towards violence.

Kids need to know that bullying is wrong. Parents should discuss their concerns with their pediatrician. A course of action may include counseling with a child psychologist to teach the child healthy ways to interact with others, to control aggression and develop empathy.

If you suspect or witness your child bullying another make it perfectly clear that bullying is serious and that you will not tolerate it. Then develop clear, consistent rules.

Praise your child for following the rules and, if they don’t, set some non-physical, non-hostile consequences like taking away valued privileges such as watching favorite television shows or playing electronic games.

As a parent the most important thing you can do is to spend time with your child to better supervise his or her activities. Get to know their friends and where and with whom they spend their free time. Build on the positive. Help your children develop their talents by encouraging them to participate in art, music or drama classes or in non-violent team sports.

The school district can be a great resource; don’t be ashamed to ask for help. The goal is to stop the bullying that can adversely affect the lives of our children not just now, but as they grow to adulthood.

Kathy Hubbard is a trustee on Bonner General Hospital Foundation Board. She can be reached at kathyleehubbard@yahoo.com, 264-4029.