Life lessons dominate during first year at college

Last year about this time, I took up some valuable newsprint and ink here to share my recollections about raising an 18-year-old boy in Sand-point and the fact that he was off to college.

I did it on the occasion of Austin’s birthday and the fact that because he was playing college soccer at Mount Vernon he would be away from home for the first time on his birthday.

None of us really knew how the year would unfold. Like all parents we wondered:

• How would his courses go?

• How would he adapt to college life at a school where he didn’t know anybody?

• Why did he choose a school so far away from home?

• Is he going to starve, make friends, make a difference for his team?

Little did we know as we moved him into his dorm room this week last year that he would learn more outside of school than in classes during his first year in college.

And nobody could have warned me that I would learn more about my son the one year he was away from his family than I did the 18 years he lived under the same roof with his family.

•••

Austin fit in well with his new team. The team was like a mini United Nations with players from Africa and England joining mostly Northwest players.

It was a good sign that he started the first game of the season at Starfire in Seattle and had a shutout. That is the ultimate for goalies. In the second game, last year’s starting goalie was between the pipes at the beginning of the game but got hurt so Austin finished that game. Another shutout.

Soon he was named one of the captains and played in most of the early games and rotated with two other goalies later in the season.

It was about halfway through September that we noticed on Facebook and in some of our conversations that he mentioned someone named Ashlyn. This was in “Ashlyn and I did this, went there, had dinner with her parents …”

So like all good modern-day parents, I Facebook stalked her. What that means is I looked her up on Facebook and checked out her likes, friends, etc.

I felt a little guilty but that soon went away when I saw the female equivalent of my son: She was into all things soccer, liked Nike, liked the U.S. Women’s soccer team, etc. There were pictures of her playing soccer, hanging out with friends and small children and did I mention, she is gorgeous and had an infectious smile in each of the photos?

Added bonus: She had no extra piercings or “Down with da Man!” tattoos across her forehead.

She was an all-league soccer player from LaConner and was on scholarship at Mount Vernon.

A few weeks went by and we went to one of Austin’s games and the women’s team played before the men’s team. I scanned the soccer field until I finally recognized her. She was busting down the middle of the field after clearing the ball on defense. She looked fit, she looked good … and she was smiling like she really was enjoying the moment.

Cardinals head coach Darren Bell grabbed me after the men’s game and asked me if Austin had told me about Ashlyn and this blossoming romance.

The coach told me he has only seen it happen once between the teams and wanted to assure me that Ashlyn was awesome.

“Do you want to meet her?” he said with a gleam in his eye. I told him that Austin might want to be the one doing that, but I wouldn’t mind an “accidental fly-by” introduction if we happen to be walking past the team bus the same time as she was.

Didn’t happen. I would find out later that she disappeared deep into the bus and couldn’t be found until the bus was safely at highway speed.

A little later we had a formal introduction and treated Austin and Ashlyn to dinner. Little sister, Olivia, who has been known to chase off potential girlfriends instantly gave her stamp of approval.

Ashlyn was engaging, put up with my goofy son, and Marlisa liked her as well. Did I mention she laughed at all of my jokes?

A few weeks went by and the women’s team finished a disappointing season but Austin’s team went on to win the conference and started into the playoffs.

We would receive random phone calls, text messages or photos from Austin showing them covered with mud from taking penalty kicks or texts from a place full of trampolines — the kind of fun dates a parent would hope a kid would have.

It was obvious to us that there was friendship, respect and possibly love (!?!) going on with them.

Austin brought Ashlyn home over Thanksgiving but he was in the middle of fighting a cold so they spent most of the time at home. They were both tired so they didn’t go out and see friends, etc. Next time.

It was soon after that trip Ashlyn started being really tired, always had headaches and had a fever that wouldn’t break.

She tried to shake it but couldn’t and she didn’t want to go to the doctor. Christmas came and she still felt horrible.

As school started back up after the holidays, she wasn’t eating or sleeping.

Austin stepped in and made Ashlyn go to a medical clinic to get checked. In the meantime, he went to Portland to play in a college winter showcase tournament with a team from Missoula.

He got the call in Portland just after he finished a game on Jan. 18.

Ashlyn had been diagnosed with advanced stages of leukemia and they didn’t know if she would live.

He called home with impossibly important and devastating news to share. We all cried.

She was immediately transported to the University of Washington Medical Center. Because she had a unique strain of leukemia — two types usually found in old men — and the fact that she was an athlete, the team of specialists from three hospitals threw everything they had at Ashlyn.

She would have only lived a few weeks more if she wouldn’t have gotten checked out.

“You saved my life,” she would say and write to Austin.

Months of radiation and chemotherapy were followed by a bone marrow transplant. Every time she would take two steps forward in her recovery, there would be the inevitable, sometimes life-threatening setback.

Mount Vernon and the hospital are about 50 miles apart. Some weeks, Austin would drive back and forth four or five times.

Often he would fall asleep in her hospital room, only to wakeup in the morning to make it back to class just in time.

Ashlyn’s mom and dad have tag-teamed staying with their daughter nearly every minute since she was diagnosed. Ashlyn’s younger brother was a match for her bone marrow transplant.

While her family has rallied around Ashlyn, the small community of LaConner and her former high school teammates have raised awareness and funds.

Team Ashlyn T-shirts and wristbands are everywhere in the small town.

There have been several blood drives in her name as well.

The local paper has written several stories about Ashlyn’s battle and there will be a fun run for her in September.

The reality is Ashlyn’s family faces a million dollars in medical expenses. They aren’t thinking about that right now.

Through this ordeal, Austin has learned how to be Ashlyn’s advocate by questioning doctors and taking care of whatever he can for her.

He felt guilty about asking us for extra money for gas because of all of the trips, so he took a job at a grocery store. We told him we would pay for the gas.

He used some of the money from his first paycheck to have a tattoo put on his chest with Ashlyn’s soccer number on it and a ribbon.

What could we really say?

Austin also got into a pretty serious fight on campus with a basketball player who was making fun of Ashlyn’s situation. Again, probably not the best choice, but it would be impossible for me to say I wouldn’t have done the same thing and clocked him as well.

Ashlyn has been leukemia free for several weeks now and if all goes well she will leave the hospital for good within a month.

She is in the middle of trying to regain strength in muscles that have atrophied after being bombarded with chemicals and radiation. She is also trying to gain some weight back.

Throughout her battle, she and Austin have grown even closer. Ashlyn’s mom says Austin always brightens her day and gives Ashlyn “a sparkle in her eye.”

Ashlyn is still using a walker but she is applying all of the athleticism and attitude she did to become a standout soccer player to her recovery.

It’s impossible to sum up what Austin learned this past year. There is no college course that prepares anyone for what he and Ashlyn have gone through.

I have to believe the lessons he learned about loyalty, compassion and love and how he was there for Ashlyn in her darkest hours will probably mean more in the long run than any of the classes he took last year.

I also know that the 17-year-old kid I dropped off last year at college is not the 19-year-old man who is my son now.

Happy birthday, buddy. Say hey to Ashlyn for us.

• David Keyes is publisher of the Bonner County Daily Bee.