A hard-to-read book worth reading

I was going to save this column for early September, but decided I didn’t want to wait! I have just read a hard-to-read book that is very worth reading. Oh, the words are not hard to read. They’re straight forward and clear. But the story is a tough one to get through. And worth it!

The book is called “Looking Back from the Gate: A Story of Love, Art, and Dementia.” The author is Phyllis Chinlund. You likely don’t know her personally. I don’t. But I plan to meet her on Sept. 13. Perhaps you will, too.

Phyllis has a cousin in Sandpoint, Kathe Murphy. She will be visiting Kathe in September, and we have invited her to speak about her book at the September 13 Geezer Forum. For anyone who has had, or currently has, a loved one with dementia, Phyllis tells our story by telling her own.

Her husband, Ray, was a creative, loving, frustrating man -- both before his dementia diagnosis and during those fearful, loving years when Phyllis cared for him. Ray was a globe-trotting professional photographer in his younger years. His photography embraced him through his illness.

They nourished each other during their 35+ years of marriage with the professional creativity they both possessed, with unashamed passion for each other, and with some welcome honesty about their relationship. Those qualities served them well in Ray’s last years of declining cognition.

In my own professional life, I have heard some of their story as I listened to so many spouses and adult children struggle with the emotional burdens they tried to shift on their backs. Some of the struggles look familiar to me. But Phyllis and Ray faced them in their own unique ways!

At the top of the book’s cover, a daughter of an Alzheimer’s patient is quoted: “I am awash with emotion for the ‘characters’ in the book and the story that is there. It must be read by many people”. I must agree, though I know that reading it will bring tears of compassionate recognition to many.

One of the reasons I decided to tell you now about the book and about Phyllis being with us at the Sept. 13 Geezer Forum is that I have a proposal for you to consider. Lately, I have come across a number of quality books about aging issues. They give me an idea.

I wonder if an occasional “Book Review” might be a good way to engage folks during upcoming Geezer Forums. I don’t see us using this format often. But I want to test the waters with you.

Would you like to learn more about various aging issues through learning about some of the books that deal with those issues? Have you read any books you would like to suggest we consider? Would you even be willing to share your own “review” at a future Geezer Forum?

This idea may have some merit. It may not. I can only make the invitation for you to respond to. Please let me know this summer.

Paul R. Graves, M.Div., is Lead Geezer-in-Training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact him at 208-610-4971 or email him at elderadvoctes@nctv.com.