A matter of trust, respect

COEUR d’ALENE — Hercules Gaines achieved what he set out to do at the “Your Life Matters” educational forum Thursday night — bring people together to have a constructive conversation about the relationship between the police and the community.

Gaines was joined by three officers from the Coeur d’Alene Police Department and one from Spokane who used to work in Coeur d’Alene. “Your Life Matters” was about how to conduct yourself as a respectful and respectable person and how that can help someone in a matter of potential conflict.

All three policemen spoke to the crowd of roughly 75 people about what police go through every day, the right way to act when approached by officers, and to assure the crowd they are here to protect the community.

The Coeur d’Alene Library meeting room was mostly filled by the time things started, and more trickled in throughout the evening. People from all walks of life attended. The group was very diverse, ethnically and age-wise from 2 months old to 90 years old.

Many people were there to support Gaines and the police, others were there to learn and others wanted to be part of the dialogue. One mother said she brought her children to the forum because whenever they saw a police officer, they would say “I hope we don’t get arrested.” She wanted her children to see police as good people and people they could rely on if they ever needed help.

Hercules started the forum Thursday evening by talking about his history and what he thinks needs to happen in the Coeur d’Alene community to prevent what is happening across the nation from happening here.

A big part of the discussion was the parent’s role in teaching kids about diversity and how to handle tough situations, like being pulled over or stopped on the street. He said one of his sons likes to talk back and debate things.

“If I said the sky was blue he would say is was green, even if we were looking at it right then,” Gaines said. “He’s not a bad person, he’s respectful, but I’m always afraid that if he were pulled over, his behavior would be too aggressive...

“I want to teach my kids proper procedure when they get pulled over, rather than go identify their body,” Gaines said to the room. “We spend more time making a dollar than putting time into our kids, making sure they grow up to be the respectful adults they should be. I just want everybody to be proactive in their kids’ lives and take the time to sit down with them and talk with them. Everybody in this room just wants to be understood.”

Another big theme throughout the talk was that people act and react in different ways due to the different experiences they’ve had.

Cpt. Dave Hagar of the Coeur d’Alene Police told a story of when he pulled over a car in a dark parking lot. The people in the car made a quick stop at a house, maybe one minute, where someone got out, ran in, and came back out to the car. Hagar thought this looked suspicious so he followed them. After a traffic violation he turned on his lights to pull the car over.

He said the car didn’t pull over immediately, but pulled behind a building and stopped in a spot where there was not much light. He could see the people in the car fidgeting and putting their arms under the seats. He drew his gun in caution and called for backup as he approached the car.

Everything went smoothly and no one was hurt, but when he got home and told his wife what had happened, she was confused as to why he took his gun out.

He explained he thought they were reaching for weapons under their seat, she responded that her first thought was they were trying to hide the bottle of alcohol.

“We’re all made up of where we come from, our experiences and what we’ve done, that makes us who we are,” he said. “And that makes the diversity in our community, and that’s what makes us unique, but that’s what also makes us not understand each other because we’re looking at people through our frame. So whatever we can do to get to know each other, to build a bigger frame, your perspective could change and you don’t have to make some of those assumptions.”

All the officers spoke about the dangers of their jobs and that when they see people, more often than not, it’s the worst day of that person’s life. Some of the officers at the meeting said they don’t wear their wedding rings because they don’t want to put their families in danger, and that’s what they were trying most to get across; police are people, too. They have lives, families and children and are doing their jobs to the best of their abilities.

“Most of the problems that you see on a national level, they have some issues and the way we avoid that is by working together to understand each other,” Coeur d’Alene Police Detective Jared Reneau said. “I don’t want to miss the fact that we have an amazing community, but I think to keep that relationship we have to have that open dialogue and open communication. We need events like this... where anyone can show up and ask questions and develop an understanding that helps us to maintain and build those relationships with each other.”

After Gaines and the cops spoke, the crowd had the opportunity to ask thoughtful and respectful questions.

The first question of the evening was asked by a 9-year-old named Dylan.

“When you go out knowing everyone won’t treat you with the same respect, when you pull them over do you keep the same perspective about them, knowing not everyone will be respectful?” he asked.

Hagar responded, no.

He said he treats different situations differently because of his past experiences dealing with them. He said the way he reacts to a drug bust is very different than the way he acts when responding to a call that an older woman needed help. We are all people, he said.

Overall, attendees were glad they participated in the forum and thought it was a good thing.

Susan Leedy came all the way from her home near Rose Lake to attend the forum. She said her son is a policeman, not in Coeur d’Alene, and she wanted to see what the relationship was like between the police and the community here. She said she was impressed.

Another woman, Nicole Richey, said it was good but wished more people had attended. She hopes there are more forums like this one and people will spread the word to come.

“I think everyone came with the right attitude in mind,” she said. “That helped.”

“It was more than I expected,” Gaines said at the end of the night, after most people had left. “Everybody had the chance to be heard and I know that was very important because everybody feels like they have something to say. Just, it was beautiful.”