A beginning place for end-of-life conversations

Some of you may recall that I occasionally mentioning that the root meaning of “conversation” (from the 15th century) has to do with “living together.” That is certainly the appropriate take-away for this often-used word when it comes to considering end-of-life conversations.

As I write this column, I have just re-read a news segment from March 2014 about “The Town Where Everyone Talks About Death.” The spotlight shines on La Crosse, Wis., where at that time, about 96 percent of the people had advance directives or some other document that indicated their wishes about end-of-life. That percentage is hard-to-believe, it’s so high.

If this intrigues you at all, and you surf the web, here is a website for you: npr.org/sections/money/2014/03-05/286126451/living-wills-are-the-talk-of-the-town. The movement toward that astounding percentage began with one man, a medical ethicist at Gunderson Health Systems.

There are a number of ways to begin these kind of conversations. For many people, they are visits so easily put off (until they’re necessary). Usually, that time isn’t calculated very well, and suddenly a family is in some kind of medical crisis. That isn’t a time most of us think clearly.

Tuesday’s Geezer Forum, May 9, will introduce (to some) or re-introduce (to others) the benefits of end-of-life conversations with our families and friends.

I’m joined by two staff members of Bonner Community Hospice, Ginna Maus (social worker) and Wayne Babcock (nurse), plus Denise Stewart (an elder law attorney who was with us in January.)

We will begin by discussing the basic legal documents that direct our health care when we can no longer speak for ourselves: a living will, a durable power of attorney for health care, and a POLST (physician’s order for life-sustaining treatment).

But these tools are not just for we who sign them. They can become very helpful door-openers to our very important “conversations” with children, grandchildren, and friends as we reluctantly face our own mortality.

“But Wait. There’s More.” Actually, there are other tools that can help us with those conversations also. We will introduce tools like “Five Wishes” and two starter kits from The Conversation Project.

“Five Wishes” is an easy way to put your own wishes into writing. The document then becomes a helpful way to say to your family: “Let me show you how I’ve been preparing for my own end-of-life.”

The Conversation Project (theconversationproject.org) has two starter kits that are proving helpful to many people. Their motto: “When it comes to end-of-life care, talking matters.”

There is a basic “Conversation Starter Kit;” plus now there is also a kit to walk you through the process of choosing a “health proxy.” And that circles us back to the durable power of attorney for healthy care.

We also intend to give Tuesday participants an opportunity for some table-talk, where you will have some practice questions to give yourself some practice and encouragement for your own family encouragement.

We gather Tuesday, May 9, 2:30-4 p.m. at Columbia Bank’s Community Room. Please join us.

Paul Graves, M.Div., is lead geezer-in-training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact him at 208-610-4971 or elderadvocates@nctv.com.