Honor the age(s) that you are

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.” This wonderful insight from famous author Madeline L’Engle was the first time — but not the last — I had considered the obvious truth of her statement. Other aging “experts” have affirmed her wisdom.

Australian psychology professor Lynn Segal says it this way: “We also retain...traces of all the selves we have been...rendering us psychically, in one sense, all ages and no age.” (Out of Time: The Pleasures and Perils of Aging)

One of the challenges of this wisdom is this: how can we make any sense of being our calendar-age when that number jumbles our life stories and experiences all together?

I offer a simple response: be as honest as you can be about who you are, as you live the age you are.

The words are simple, the task isn’t so easy sometimes! Now being closer to 77 than 76, I have to remind myself I’m not the physical age that my mental age says I am. Our two (or more) age-perceptions need to find a way to live together in mutual respect, if not in wholeness (peace).

Near the end of Showtime’s television series “The Big C”, the central character, Cathy, moves into a hospice facility because her cancer requires that level of end-of-life care.

At dinner one evening, she hangs “young-and-healthy photographs of all the hospice residents around their necks...to remind the dining room staff of the places in the world the dying (residents) once occupied.” (from This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism)

Wow, what a playful, yet poignant, reminder that people’s ages stick together no matter how old we get! I can imagine the residents also suddenly saw themselves as younger, as healthier, than they felt before dinner.

We may consciously forget we are another age, but we remember deep-down. And because we can remember deep-down, one of our tasks of aging is to stay as honest and realistic as we can be to honor the age(s) we are.

When we pretend to be younger than our drivers licenses declare, we can fool ourselves for only so long. We can construct false expectations for our bodies, or for our relationships with others. We may even try to squash the old memories that have become emotional baggage we are afraid to set down, yet we’re too weary to carry any longer.

Or during this holiday time, consider what holiday memories are central for you. Even if you are reluctant to age, how can you honor all of your ages’ memories?

That honor might even occur in simply telling a story from a vulnerable time in your life to a trusted person who values your friendship. That honor might occur as you listen non-defensively, but seriously, to your health-care provider about ways to deal with your medical circumstances.

Geezers-in-training are people who have hopeful, even youthful, attitudes surrounded by the disguise of gray hair and wrinkle.

However, I believe many geezers-in-training become increasingly honest about the ages they have been and currently are. What do you think about your own ages?

Lastly, there is no Geezer Forum on Dec. 25, Christmas Day!

Paul Graves, M.Div. is lead geezer-in-training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact Paul at 208-610-4971 or elderadvocates@nctv.com.