Redemptive redundancy is vital with dementia

It seems that so many conversations I’m in these days involve some mention of dementia and the people who either have it or are caregivers for those who do. The conversation on one day seems to be a repetition of yesterday’s conversation, but with different persons.

When I’m tired of hearing about dementia, all of it sounds so repetitive, so redundant even. That is the time I remember that some years ago, in my role as a volunteer chaplain for Bonner Community Hospice, I tried to remind us all about redemptive redundancy.

For redundancy (repetition) to be “redemptive,” it must somehow free you, release you, from the boredom, the tedium, that comes with redundancy. Whether you are a family caregiver, a professional caregiver, a friend, a volunteer, or a person with dementia, you engage in acts of redundancy every day.

In the “world of dementia,” the days get to feel all the same, particularly as a person’s dementia increased. Routines are the same, verbal exchanges are the same, the challenge of dealing with mood swings is the same, the difficulty of communicating is the same.

A person with dementia lives his or her day through routines that make them feel intuitively safe. That is the kind of world (s)he lives in. (S)he may no longer be able to enter our world, so to “be with them” in the best sense of that phrase, we must enter into her/his world.

But a friendly visit can become “what can we talk about that’s different, or more stimulating?” The days can become so predictable. Boredom and resentment can easily show up along with predictability.

The redundancy of life “today” has another companion: grief. We can grieve the loss of what “used to be” with our loved one, our friend. Your redundant, difficult new life brings you to a crossroad.

You may not be able to change the things you do. But when they are become tedious and boring, you can change how you see them. Acts of routine can be re- deemed, freed from tedium, boredom, and resentment, when love and compassion enter the room.

Acts of love are usually redundant, but never ultimately tedious or boring. Your actions, done in love, are prime examples of redemptive redundancy.

Actions undergirded with love and compassion may still get tedious, maybe even boring; but they are freed from resentment because they come from your compassion, your love for a real person. The person may be more vulnerable than you want. But that person’s need is more important than your want in that moment.

This emphasis on redemptive redundancy is prelude to next week’s Geezer Forum. Once again, in a redemptively redundant way, we will visit about dementia — Alzheimer’s in particular.

On Tuesday, Feb. 13, PJ Christo, from the Alzheimer’s Association office in Coeur d’Alene, will lead us in a wide-ranging “Dementia Q & A.” I hope that Greg Jared, an Alzheimer’s researcher working with the Alzheimer’s Association, can also be with us that day.

Here’s a common question: how are Alzheimer’s and dementia alike? The answer: Dementia is like a large umbrella-term that includes over 80 kinds of dementia; and Alzheimer’s is by far the most common form of dementia.

Bring your questions about dementia to the Geezer Forum next Tuesday, Feb. 13, 2:30-4 p.m., at Columbia Bank’s Community Room.

Paul Graves, M.Div., is lead geezer-in-training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. Contact Paul at 208-610-4971 or elderadvocates@nctv.com.