Redemptive redundancy is re-visited
Last week’s Geezer Forum was a memorable one. (“Memorable” is an ironic but intended adjective, given the topic was “Dementia Q & A”.) Nearly 60 people came to learn more about what dementia is and isn’t. PJ Christo, from the Alzheimer’s Association office in Coeur d’Alene was very helpful leading us through the complexities of dementia. Caregiving is one of those complexities.
That is why next Tuesday’s Geezer Forum is a planned follow-up. It’s focus is “Caregiving and Dementia”. We will be led by Dr. Scott Burgstahler, Medical Director of Life Care Center, Dr. Jim Arthurs, retired physician and Alzheimer’s Advocate, plus Ann Haynes and Gabby Hendrix, professional caregivers.
In my last column, I focused on the need for Redemptive Redundancy when dealing with people who have dementia. By this, I simply mean that the seemingly endless routines that happen over and over can be “redeemed”, rescued by caregivers simply by remembering each act can be done in love and respect.
Today, I want to re-visit redemptive redundancy, because it is an essential attitude for those who are family caregivers or professional caregivers.
Almost four years ago, I attended a day-long training workshop on serving vulnerable adults. The leader, Wendy Lustbader, is a geriatric social worker from Seattle. Her seminal book is Counting on Kindness, a wonderful reminder of how mutual compassion and respect are foundational for caregivers.
One of the images she used that is still helpful to remember is that the needs of the vulnerable adult are the NORTH STAR when it comes to serving that person. It’s pretty easy to lose sight of that North Star in the emotionally-heavy effort to give the simplest of care for another person.
Frustration can surface when the adult is unable or unwilling to do what a caregiver is trying to help with. Off-course, it is easy for that caregiver to speak impatiently or angrily. That starts a mini-tussle for control. The caregiver might win that tussle, but the unintended hurt feelings linger well beyond the moment.
And sometimes it isn’t enough for the caregiver or the vulnerable adult to toss off a quick “I’m sorry.” The relationship can still be off-course because the tussle wasn’t only about who’s in control. It was more deeply about one person not respecting another person.
The working relationship between a caregiver and a vulnerable adult demands a deep level of respect, especially on the part of the caregiver.
By definition, something has made the vulnerable adult vulnerable. When that is recognized, and honored, the relationship works so much better.
Mutual respect means both persons are aware of that North Star. People with dementia may not have the words to say what they feel, but they know when they are being respected, and disrespected. Redemptive Redundancy might be a good way for a caregiver to offer that respect, that compassion, more often.
And get the same in return!
Please join us at next Tuesday’s Geezer Forum February 27, 2:30-4 p.m. at the Columbia Bank Community Room. We expect to learn about compassionate, respectful caregiving from each other.
Paul R. Graves, M.Div., is lead geezer –in-training for Elder Advocates, a consulting ministry on aging issues. Reach Paul at elderadvocates@nctv.com or 208-610-4971.