Can we be done talking about this now?

Last week I stumbled upon a simple yet profound definition of forgiveness. And it came from a 5-year-old.

Three of the grands were spending the day. Nathaniel and his two sisters headed down the drive to where a robin pair had recently built its nest atop a bird box nailed to the bee house. Later his 6-year-old sister casually mentioned Nathaniel had run at the nest with an “argh!” battle cry, scaring the sitting robin so that she flew off.

Ordinarily a very considerate kid, I was surprised to hear this. I took a few moments to explain the nest was the bird’s home and its family was there. That we wouldn’t want someone charging into our house and scaring us.

That afternoon a pair of small flycatchers, on a nest under an eave near the front porch, were nervous as we played on the lawn. I told the children we are gigantic to little birds—and even though we know we won’t hurt them, they don’t know that. Like when Nathaniel ran at the robin on her nest, I said.

Nathaniel — peacefully reclining in a deck chair — spoke up quickly, “Can we be done talking about this now?” He knew what he’d done earlier was wrong. He’d been called on it once — and that was enough. He knew — and I knew — he wasn’t going to do it again. He didn’t need it permanently tattooed.

Isn’t this what forgiveness is? Not everyone is going to be remorseful. Not everyone can be trusted to not attempt a repeat. But ultimately, “Can we be done talking about this now?” is forgiveness with gloves off. It is not some pretend absolution. A secretive, lingering, simmering angst — undermining someone else in subtle ways. It is really being done with it — no more reference to it.

My mother had her own understanding of the Bible’s great forgiveness passage in Psalm 103: “As far as the east is from the west, So far has He (the Lord) removed our transgressions from us.” She would say, “The earth’s north and south have finite poles. But east and west just keep going.”

It’s true. There is always somewhere east of East, and west of West. Just so, a transgression removed to a place that can’t be measured disappears. Another way of saying, “Can we be done talking about this now?”