'For to me, to live is Christ'

I have been thinking these past few weeks about someone I met nearly 10 years ago that I have never forgotten. Her name was Beth Hill. She impacted my life in ways that I can’t quite explain. I served as a Hospice chaplain for seven years and Beth was one of my patients. She loved the Lord and we would sit and talk about our faith, our family and how God had blessed our lives over the years. Beth knew she was dying, although her family did their best to keep that fact from her. She longed to leave this earth and go and be with Jesus. One particular day, a dark day for Beth, she told me she just wanted to die. She was tired, she hurt, she had lost her sight and was ready for heaven.

“Why doesn’t God take me?” she asked through her tears.

“Perhaps there is more He has for you,” I answered. I had had these kinds of conversations with patients before, but Beth was special, and I hurt for her.

“What do you mean, ‘He might have more for me?’” She was sitting up now and very attentive.

“Let me read you something that the apostle Paul wrote,” I said. With that I read this to her: For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account. Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith. . . (Philippians 1:21-25). I told Beth that although she thought she was ready to die, the fact that she was still here gave proof that God had other plans for her, at least for the moment.

“Perhaps,” I said, “your family still needs a little nurturing from you before you depart for heaven.”

With that, she brightened, swung her legs out of the bed, and sat facing me. “Well then, I shall take Paul’s advice and get on with life.”

I visited with Beth for another few months and we continued to discuss Scripture and how amazing God is. My patients weren’t all like Beth, in fact, very few were. I looked forward to our visits and always left the nursing home feeling a little lighter after spending time with her.

One day, I will never forget, I walked into Beth’s room and, as usual, I said, “Hey, cutie, how are you doing today?”

Beth turned to me with dull and sunken eyes and asked who I was. I told her I was Pastor Greg.

“Do I know you?” Even now when I write this, tears come to my eyes. It was over, and I was crushed. I knew it wasn’t about me, but nevertheless I was so sad.

I visited Beth for a few more weeks, introducing myself each time. Our conversations were short and wooden. When she died, I wept. However, they were not tears of sadness, but of joy. Beth was home. My job as Hospice chaplain was to bring comfort to my patients, but Beth brought comfort to me and she taught me how to live with heaven in mind, but with my feet firmly planted in the here and now. We live on this earth for a short period of time and how we live and who we live for is so very important. Beth lived for Jesus Christ while here. Now she lives with Him forever in heaven.

Greg Barnes ministers at New Song Bible Church. He can be reached at newsongbiblechurch.com; 470250 Highway 95, Sagle; or by email at greg@newsongbiblechurch.com .