Cashing in on a crisis

I’m not exactly sure when the stock market became a big deal in our everyday lives. Growing up, all I ever knew about it was that a Great Depression took place back when all the men wore suits and cool looking hats no matter whether they were working in an office, out plowing the farm field, or just going to watch a baseball game.

The daily newspaper that I delivered as a kid had a page filled with stock market listings, but I had no idea what all those initials and numbers represented. Besides, I figured it was information that would only interest rich people.

Nowadays, anyone can buy and sell stocks 24/7 on the Internet which I guess is a good thing — unless you were on the wrong side of buying and selling during the last few weeks.

I never realized that our culture valued Wall Street over human lives, but the COVID-19 pandemic reveals it just might. While discussing on Fox News the pandemic’s devastating effect on the economy, Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick stated, “trust me, old people are willing to die for Wall Street.”

Now, if 70-year-old Dan Patrick wants to sacrifice his life to help the economy, I say go for it. But as far as 70-year-old Mike Murphy following Patrick’s advice, I’m not putting my neck on the chopping block so Warren Buffett can make another billion dollars!

I still don’t know much about how the stock market works. Based on the little bit I have studied it, I surmise investing in stocks is a lot like betting on horse races — both are fixed, you just have to be lucky and guess the fix correctly.

One way to get started is to invest in a mutual fund which contains a variety of stocks. Another option is to purchase some individual stocks. Like, you could buy stocks in blue-chippers McDonald’s and Coca-Cola while also purchasing stocks in a pharmaceutical company which makes heart disease and diabetes medicine — a win-win proposition.

There is a myriad of websites offering “expert” opinions on good stocks to buy. Sort of like the horse racing tip sheets you buy before placing your bets so you can distinguish a “mudder” from a “closer.” As in horse racing, when it comes to investing in the stock market, there are no sure things — that is, unless you get yourself elected to the U.S. Senate!

Apparently, if you’re a senator, you have access to information that can aid you in your efforts to beat the stock market. Just look at the examples of Sen. Kelly Loeffler, R-Georgia, and Sen. Richard Burr, R-North Carolina.

Kelly Loeffler is an interim senator, appointed by the governor of Georgia and assuming office on Jan. 6 — and the timing could not have been better. Follow this timeline to see what I mean.

Loeffler takes office on Jan. 6.

Between Jan. 6 and Jan. 23, she did not buy or sell any stocks owned by her individually or jointly with her husband.

On Jan. 24, Loeffler attended a private Senate Health Committee briefing on the coronavirus. After the meeting, she tweeted “Appreciate today’s briefing from the President’s top health officials on the novel coronavirus outbreak.” Later that same day, Loeffler and her husband began dumping stocks — a lot of stocks.

Between Jan. 24 and mid-February, she and her husband made 29 stock transactions, selling off up to $3.1 million worth of stock.

Feb. 28, after purging her stock holdings, Loeffler publicly downplayed the virus threat tweeting “Democrats have dangerously and intentionally misled the American people on #Coronavirus readiness. Here’s the truth: @realDonaldTrump & his administration are doing a great job working to keep Americans healthy & safe.” No mention of “the truth” she learned at the private meeting.

On March 10, Loeffler’s tweet to reassure Americans that the stock market is going to be fine is particularly disturbing in hindsight: “Concerned about #coronavirus? Remember this: The consumer is strong, the economy is strong, & jobs are growing, which puts us in the best economic position to tackle #COVID19.” Puts us or puts her?

Just to be fair, according to Loeffler, “multiple third-party advisers” sold the stocks while she and her husband knew nothing about it.

Just by pure coincidence, her “third-party advisers” also purchased between $100,000 and $250,000 worth of Citrix stock, a company that specializes in technology that helps people work remotely — and one of the few stocks to increase in value since the pandemic has picked up steam. Wow! Those are some prescient “third-party advisers.”

Need more evidence that getting elected senator is the surest way to beat the stock market? Well, look no further than Sen. Richard Burr, R-North Carolina. Burr, one of only three senators who voted against a 2012 bill banning congressional insider trading, was at the same Jan. 24 meeting as Loeffler.

In an early February op-ed, Burr assured Americans that the country could handle the coronavirus. But on Feb. 13 he sold $1.7 million in stock in 33 separate transactions, including stocks in hotel chains that have been clobbered during the shutdown.

While spinning virus optimism publicly, Burr warned wealthy campaign donors at a private meeting that a serious health threat was imminent that could close schools, involve military support, and rock the economy.

So to any young folks thinking of investing in the stock market, I say forget Warren Buffett, Jim Cramer, and the Wall Street Journal. If you want to pick a sure winner, pursue a career in politics.

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist with accolades including an Associated Press first-place award in column writing and a first place award in a national writing contest sponsored by Nissan Corp. His articles are syndicated by Senior Wire.