Reach out and help someone

Why do people — or at least many of us — think we can't let others know we are struggling? The usual method of operation is to keep it quiet and not let anyone see, thinking we'll wait it out or that we'll get it figured out.

This is fresh in my mind because of an after-church conversation this week with a friend I hadn't seen there in a while. I had been about to check in with her, when there she was.

It turns out she has a son on the spectrum who moved from home to attend university — good for him for braving it. But there have been issues, and she has gone to see him and she misses him a great deal. It has all led to her sliding into some depression over the winter.

I wish I had contacted her sooner. I had my own stuff going on; fighting off a slump with family moving out of state and some heart health issues for which I will have an angiogram this week.

So here we were. We could have talked, found out we both were wrestling with a similar issue and its aftermath, and at least have found comfort in our doldrums. We might actually have helped each other forge our way through.

We recently discussed compassion in a church study group I am in. How it is not really compassion if we do not act on what we notice and feel. I told a pandemic story (a former column) of a young woman behind me at the grocery store checkout. I gave a $20 bill to the cashier to give to someone of her choosing that day as a spirit lifter. I noticed this woman did not have much in her cart. I asked if she could also use a $20. She said, “Sure.” She got one.

Out in the parking lot, I had the nudge to wait around. The woman came out to her car. I walked over saying I'd like to give her another $20. Her eyes teared up. I asked, “Are you okay?”

She answered with one word: “Struggling.” A word that shot straight to my heart. I gave her my envelope of $20s. “Take it all,” I said. My car flew home on wings — I felt that good about encouraging her in a tough time.

This person was truthful. Because she was, a need was met, maybe more than one. I can't help thinking she flew home on wings, too. And that's how it is to open up — to act and to support each other.