Curiosity and questions for others

My husband's friend had let him know he and his wife had taken their RV and headed out for some vacation time. I immediately asked where; Terry did not know. His friend hadn't said, and he hadn't asked. I found this incomprehensible. 

Some of us are curious creatures, and others are not. In my world, I tell people details and always ask for details. Partly from curiosity, but also because it shows an interest in others. I run into those who don't want their lives looked into at all. Then there are those who respond with pleasure to questions about themselves and their experiences. 

I think sometimes of questions I'd like to ask people in the Bible. Their humanity is spilled across its pages. This past week I've thought about Judas and his whole betrayal story. How did he travel with Jesus for three years, seeing and listening to all that happened — and not be touched by any of it? Did he ever believe any of the miracles or the message? Why did he even stay in the group of disciples then? 

He used to steal from the money bag that was meant to help those in need. I'd ask him if he felt OK with that. What did he do with the money he took for himself? 

I'd want to know what it was like in the garden that night when he betrayed Jesus with a kiss of greeting — the custom of the day — so the Roman soldiers would arrest the right person. Was his heart beating wildly? Did he feel heroic? What did he think when Jesus said to him, “Friend, do what you have come for.” 

Then there is the ultimate question of what happened to cause such a big change inside him over just a few hours. The next thing I learn he's trying to return the 30 pieces of silver he'd been paid to betray Jesus — because he saw Jesus was condemned to die.  

Judas, didn't you expect that? Those hypocritical, jealous Jewish leaders have been after Jesus the whole time you were with Him. What did you think would happen? And now you're not the hero of the hour anymore. Those guys don't care if you live or die. They got what they wanted from you. How angry did that make you? You threw the silver pieces on the floor. 

What I really want to ask you is where did it come from when you said to them, “I have sinned by betraying innocent blood.” You admitted wrong. You felt remorse. You said Jesus was innocent. That is a major shift. Maybe you did believe Jesus somewhere in those three years. 

No one knows the exact thought pathways of those who contemplate suicide. Judas didn't waste any time. He left immediately after being spurned by the Jewish leaders and hanged himself. He would die himself before he'd watch Jesus die.  

Judas, were you not as hateful on the inside after it was too late? You repented before the wrong people. It was Jesus you needed to tell. 

Would Judas answer all my questions? I don't think so. It seems there were many insecurities and unresolved complexities in his life. Better left unsaid, he would probably snap. Had Judas only known to wait just three days. He could have confessed to the right person. 

Carol Shirk Knapp writes the "Preacher's Kid" column.