A lonely existence

“It is not good that man should be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NIV) 

This is North Idaho, a bastion of rugged individualism and individuals living alone. The myth of living alone is pervasive. While there are some who live alone and seem to thrive, many do not. Statistically living alone is a causal factor of poor mental health in three out of four studies according to National Library of Medicine. A study published by U.S. News & World Reports by the CDC concludes that people living alone have higher rates of depression.  

Idaho doesn’t rank even close to the top of single person households according to the latest census statistics. What Idaho has is a lot of people who might not necessarily live alone but they live in isolation from others in some way. I have seen and heard of people living in isolation with devastating consequences. 

One of my uncles living alone and in isolation passed away lying on his kitchen floor. It was not definitively determined whether he died quickly or could have lived if medical treatment had been available to him. Recently, a friend of mine bought a house and acreage in southern Bonner County. They bought at a very good price so I asked them about it. Caution, the story is difficult. 

The elderly couple who owned the place lived in isolation from their neighbors and everyone else. It is suspected there was some mental illness on the part of the elderly wife. The husband died as some point lying in the living room. It is surmised the wife lived for two more weeks and possibly fell cutting her head. No one knew.  It was not until contact was made for back property taxes that the decomposed bodies were found. These are some of the consequences of living in isolation.

More frequently I see elderly living in parts of the county and they are too infirm or too old to be living there. They don’t have the health and often don’t have the money to maintain their homes or adequately live in them. They live with minimal heat, leaking roofs, and can’t afford snowplowing. Their places are falling apart and losing value every month. Rather than sell out and get closer to town in a smaller low maintenance home; they refuse to leave. I’ve seen houses that were nice at one time but a total loss. When sold, there isn’t enough to buy another place. This is a tragedy. 

Sometimes neighbors do try to help but often the frequency of help and the funds required exceed what the neighbors can do. They really need to move. Sometimes they have waited so long they need to move into assisted living. 

A 2016 Harvard Medical School study concluded that regular church attendance is linked to longer lives. A 2017 Vanderbilt Medical School study stated that regular worship is good for a person’s health. Another study by Harvard in 2020 revealed regular worship contributed to mental health. A church home is a good place to find acceptance and community. Loneliness and isolation are reduced in relationship to church involvement. People in church care enough that they will tell us tough truths. They often help but when the helping becomes unsustainable, they suggest it is time to move. Also it is far more likely in church that we discover a lover of our souls named Jesus who went to the utmost for our well-being. 

Bud McConnaughey serves on the staff of North Summit Church, 201 N. Division, Sandpoint.